What is the best way to explain to someone why I’m not planning on having children?

Especially the argument that once you have children you realise it’s what you always wanted which seems like a horribly flawed argument to me.

Before long (and after a funny conversation) it dawned on me, having a baby is like getting a tattoo. It’s a fairly irreversible decision that will be with you for the rest of your life. Most people will put a lot of thought into having one but they can also happen after a foolish drunken night. Once you have one you either have to learn to love it and live with it or make the difficult decision to get rid of it one way or another. There’s aftercare with both and the level of care you give will be reflected in the end result.

Ultimately what it comes down to is if you are sensible, you will think long and hard about having a tattoo, you will weigh up the pros and cons and you will make sure that it’s something you’re going to want for the rest of your life. If you can’t be sure that it’s what you want then you won’t do it.

And that, my friends, is why I have decided not to have children and also why that is subject to change.

I really do intend to use this bad boy again….If only I could ever decide what to write about!

As many of you will know on Sunday evening it was announced that Rage Against The Machine’s song ‘Killing in the Name‘ had made it to the number one spot for Christmas. At the time of the announcement I was sat in a restaurant with Gareth listening tothe radio on his phone. I was shaking with nerves and the rush of joy and elation I felt as the opening bars of Joe McElderry’s version of ‘The Climb’ played as the number 2 song was immense and indescribable.

A large portion of the British public banded together and achieved something tangible. The campaign was well run and Jon and Tracy Morter deserve a lot of recognition and praise. The celebrity backing was also priceless in this battle. On top of this achievement the campaign has also raised over £100,000 (including gift aid) for SHELTER, a charity for the homeless.

However this story is not all happiness and light. The recriminations have already begun. Early on Simon Cowell branded us rage campaigners as cynical and stupid. Later he went on to call us mindless morons. Perhaps these are the cries of someone who knows he has met his match and is wishing to discourage us and undermine our confidence, obviously it did not work. Since the announcement Simon Cowell has been quite gracious in his defeat, the same can not be said for fellow judge Louis Walsh and countless Joe McElderry fans.

Today’s Sun newspaper sported a front cover picture of Zack de la Rocha with devil horns next to Joe McElderry with a halo. Inside, the delightfully biased article featured two small sections called ‘My View’. One was written by Rage guitarist Tom Morello and the other by Louis Walsh. Mr Morello spoke about his pride about being picked by the grass roots campaign and what the band intended to do with their profits (the answer to that is donate the majority to SHELTER). Mr Walsh was not so magnanimous. His comments were derogatory and rude. The words ’sore loser’ do not even begin to cover the petty and belittling way in which Louis Walsh spoke about Rage Against the Machine. Not the fans, not the Rage campaigners but the band themselves who other than giving their approval  the campaign had nothing to do with it. He said that Joe would outsell Rage in the long run, that Rage couldn’t sell out Wembley today and that Joe will. I wish it were true. But as the past has shown, male winners of the X-Factor do not have bright futures. Leon and Steve were both dropped by their record labels shortly after winning. Joe sadly faces the same future.

Well, this topic is pretty neatly tied up now. My final wish for this campaign as it lays dying in the debris of celebration is that it is remembered favourably. That we are not forever branded as bullies stealing the dreams of an 18 year old boy. That we are remembered as people who dreamed of taking something back for ourselves and finally that the British public realises that ANYTHING is within our power.

This will be the smallest and most ineffectual blog to mention the Christmas number 1 race but I have to get my words out there!

I will be buying ‘Killing in the Name‘ on monday and I will urge everyone I know to do the same. Not because I hate X-factor or Simon Cowell or anything like that but because I resent having my choice taken away from me. Sure, the sale of one single might not ever make a huge difference but, just as with a political vote, it’s my right to exercise this power. (I realise that comparing Christmas number 1 to a general election is quite silly though)

The point is that for years now X-factor has stolen Christmas number 1 and I am from a generation that remembers the magic of Christmas number 1. I remember when it used to be a real competition, when artists and novelty acts would put effort into winning that treasured number 1 spot. I remember watching top of the pops just before Christmas with my sister purely to see what would be Christmas number 1.

To me the Rage Against the Machine campaign isn’t about Simon Cowell (the fact that he thinks it is just proves to me the staggering size of his ego) and it’s not about robbing the X-factor winner of their number 1. It’s about taking back an old British institution and making a stand about having our right to cheesy Christmas singles taken away. I don’t want X-factor taken off the air, I want the schedule to be changed so that the winners song is not released to coincide with the Christmas number 1 race.

Other than that I feel really good about this campaign. As lame as it sounds this is the first time I feel I might be a part of something big and worthwhile. It’s not political reform, it’s not a revolution but it is a huge number of people coming together and making a difference. I want to be able to say I was part of it. I want the charity side of the campaign to raise so much money. (Please donate at http://www.justgiving.com/ratm4xmas)

Please tell all your friends and join the fight at http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=christmas+1+2009&init=quick#/group.php?gid=2228594104&ref=ts

Be a part of something big!

I have several problems with this. Firstly there is the huge logistics problem. How can the UK government police the international internet? They haven’t managed to sort out the huge internet issues, how can they hope to deal with hundreds of smaller ones?

Secondly, it seems we’re always concerned that the government is taking away our liberties. That there are too many CCTV cameras and far too much red tape in our lives and yet these people want to hand over more of our freedom to the same governement that has put up the cameras and the red tape. These people  probably have had very little interaction with social networking sites but have heard the buzzwords and the few, very few stories when someone is stupid and doesn’t protect themselves.

Thirdly, it seems to me that these are the people who have their voices heard. The uninformed minority have their letters printed and push further. The government seems happy to take away our freedoms without our consent, if we start offering them up on a platter they’ll take more and more. Before you know it we’ll be living in an Orwellian 1984 state. The recent anti-terrorism poster campaign is an example. They will make us suspect everyone and heighten our fears, then when they bring in new laws to ‘protect’ us, we won’t question it. Eventually we’re in a position where we have no voice.

The jump from Facebook to 1984 might seem extreme but it always starts with the little things. I believe EVERY liberty is worth fighting for. The internet is an open forum, I can write my blog without fear of recrimination, everyone has the opportunity to express themselves, whether you agree with them or not.

‘I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.’

http://www.myspace.com/thewhitecoatsmusic

So i can tell you about my superfuntime in Ikea!

First a quick warning, my C key is being rubbish so if I miss any, thats why!

I’ve been buying these big glass jars from Ikea to put sweets in at the wedding but I didn’t quite have enough so my cousin Helen kindly agreed to take me. We thought it would be fun to meet up with Jem and Benjie at the same time as they don’t live all that far away and maybe have some eats and fun.

After getting stuck in some post football match traffic and working out my hastily scribbled directions we finally made it and Jem and Benjie were waiting for us.

I’m sure that the events that followed fall into the ‘you had to be there’ category but seeing as the majority of people likely to read this WERE there, I think it’s still worth recording!

I kinda knew it would be a fun time when benjie grabbed one of the free tape measures and started measuring peoples heads and the gaps between items, also Helen seemed to be on some kind of sugar high. We decided we were all much hungries and went straight to the food hall and ate many meatballs. Helen declared she didn’t need a drink cos she had a bottle of lucozade in her bag, as I’d said I’d pay for her I was quite glad she wasn’t wasting my money! However once she’d tasted my drink she wanted to have some of her own. The natural conclusion being several trips to the counter making a mockery of the free refill service and Benjie fashioning a funnel out of a little ketchup cup to refill Helen’s now empty lucozade bottle. And giggling, lots and lots of giggling.

Once we were full of meatball and juice we headed off to the bed section as my lovely fiance has said that if theres enough money after the honeymoon we can buy a new bed. Jemma and I got on one bed which at first seemed really nice and firm but before to long became uncomfortably hard, so I got off and tried another, this one was immediately too soft. I started laughing because I was clearly being goldilocks and the third bed in this little group would have to be perfect. I announced my discovery to everyone and the anticipation grew as I made my way to the third bed. It may or may not have been pulsing with an inviting glow but in my memory it does. I flopped onto the bed and lo and behold it was perfect! So I got under the covers for a little nap. Helen asked if the bed was too salty, but that was just silly! There were no bears though.

For the rest of the showroom Jem, Helen and I tested nearly every bed we saw and were quite pleased. At the top of the stairs leading to the market hall we stopped, trying to deide if we could go for another plate of meatballs. Benjie started measuring the spaces between us three girls and after one very minor adjustment, we were an equilateral triangle. Benjie was pleased.

At first the market hall wasn’t so much fun. I loaded the trolley with glass jars, Helen agonised over buying a rug and I was talked into buying a lampshade. I managed to hide quite well for a few minutes but they saw me before my ninja skills could really be tested and Benjie pulled the trolley that Helen was pushing into the back of Jemma’s legs. Could have been a nasty disagreement but Benjie looked so guilty and Helen was so appalled by what he’d done that there was no question about the culprit.

However in the childrens area everything became fun again, we took turns going through the little door, which hurt my back actually. I filled the trolley with armfuls of little cuddly mice only to be told I couldn’t have that many. Instead us girls all got one each. Helen found the panda toy she’d liked in the showroom but was then won over by a hippo instead and Jemma decided she wanted a shark, because there were only two and they were nearly 4 metres up with no way to reach them. We left them there. I gave Benjie crabs, there’s photographic evidence coming soon to Facebook. And for a good part of the last section I wore a large black furry cushion with cat eyes on my head. Many people gave me funny looks. None of them have a sense of humour.

Soon it was time to go and pay for our loot. As we were paying Helen saw a sign for 45p hotdogs and began rooting through her purse for change. Our luck was in and she found £1 and sent me on my way with instructions to bring her 10p back safely. After we enjoyed our hotdogs we went to the food store to find meatballs, but we didn’t have enough money and couldn’t justify putting £3 on a debit card, although sitting here now I could really go for meatballs.

Then our adventure was nearly over. We left a little pot of mustard and a serviette in the lift for any wandering hungry hobos and went our separate ways.

All that’s left is for Helen to stealth her rug in when she gets home. John will never know!

It was the funnest time I have ever had in a shop. Thanks IKEA!

Wetlands by Charlotte Roche is marketed and described as erotic literature or even thinly veiled pornography. Honestly, this is why I bought it! I read that it was so extreme that at public readings women had fainted in shock. I wanted own a book that was that sexy.

I do not own a book that is that sexy. Wetlands is the story of Helen Memel, an 18 year old girl who, due to an accident in shaving her pubic hair, must spend a period of time in the proctology ward of her local hospital.

The story is well written with good insights into the main characters life. The back story of the family is handled sensitively and keeps the reader interested, however it feels unfinished. To me the story feels like it needs the confrontation and the reactions at the end but everything is left trailing off. Perhaps there is a sequel planned and the story line alone would make me consider buying a sequel.

However, the bulk of the story is the authors attempt to shock and appall her readers. I have a pretty strong stomach but even as I think of certain parts of this book I feel queasy. If you can stand the graphic descriptions of sexual practices and how Helen deals with her wound then this book can make a pretty interesting read.

However if i ever meet someone who is turned on by this book, I will probably throw up right there. It is NOT an erotic novel.

I thought I’d take the time to tell you about some things I’ve done/read/seen recently. I can think of at least 3 things to tell you about so I’ll do a post every couple of days about each one.

Today I’d like to talk about Watchmen. I saw the movie Friday evening in a totally packed out cinema. Unfortunately I think I was in the minority as someone who has actually read the book. As soon as Gareth heard there was a Watchmen movie coming out he made me read the book and I thoroughly enjoyed it. In the run up to the film coming out I resisited the urge to pick the book up again. I like to have the comparison but I like the memory of the orignial to be a little misty so that my mind is more open to the new interpretation.

When I finished the book first time round I decided it would be impossible to film and said as much frequently. I have been proven very very wrong.

Visually, the film is excellent. Some kind of witchcraft was employed I’m sure as every single character looked as if they had just stepped off the page. The settings, scenery, props and background buildings were also spot on. I don’t think anyone could have done it better. I loved the interpretation of Dr Manhattan’s character, I had been quite worried about how they would portray him but my fears were groundless and he is the gentle giant I imagined. Not to mention the blue penis!

There was been some criticism regarding parts of the story that are missing and a small change to the ending. When I heard the ending had been changed I was a bit mad. I didn’t see how or why they would change it. Having seen the film now I understand. The change is really small and is more fitting in this version. The parts that were cut are a bit of a side story and without that story the ending as it is in the book wouldn’t make sense.

Everything else aside, I really enjoyed this film. I think it is as good a watchmen film as could ever be made. I hear there will be a directors cut which will include the side story. I’m curious to see if this will affect the ending as well. Some people have said that they feel the choice of music could have been alot better, maybe I’m not as big a film buff as these people (and hey, I never said I was a film buff) but I don’t feel that way. Music doesn’t affect my enjoyment of a movie all that much. Maybe I’m not deep enough. Maybe I’m not critical enough.

I really recommend this film to fans of the book. However if you haven’t read it and don’t want to read it I’d advise you to steer clear unless you enjoy dense, heavy movies with a lot of storyline and not alot of time!

I give the film 5/5 mongooses.

Gareth says I’m too young to be this cynical but I can’t help feeling that life is backwards. I have to work in order to live. Today’s society has made it so that it is impossible to enjoy your life the way that we should be able to.

Animals eat, sleep and fuck. Thats all a species really needs to survive. Humans are the same. To eat you must buy your food, if you want to sleep in relative comfort you will need to have a home and a bed, you can’t even just fuck wherever you want. To get the things you need to live you need money. To get money society says you must work. Most people work at least 5 day weeks. That leaves you 2 days a week to live. Unless work needs you to come in on your day off.

Companies don’t care about their employees. They extend their opening hours with no thought for their employees, just squeezing more money out of their customers.

I had a whole rant planned but typing is therapeutic and I calmed down. Damn…I can’t remember the rest. It was good too.